Motorcycles and Tennis

from Spalatt at www.bikernation.net

What's all the Racquet About?

Surely you've heard by now that some big name motorcycle builder was slapped with an even bigger monetary fine by a group of underpaid whack-jobs who can't find real jobs; the California Air Resources Board. (CARB) The six figure fine was handed to this disingenuous parasite for selling a batch of bikes that didn't meet state "emissions standards." I've been telling you for years that smog check for bikes looms large on our horizon (confirmed by CARB this year) but nobody listens. It seems only a select few of us actually give a damn while guys like this live in denial and blame US when THEY get fined, because they expect someone else to fight for their "rights." I try to keep everyone updated on all the ridiculous fines being handed down, but the community didn't take any real interest in the fines of the REAL shops that keep our sport rollin'.

Look, this is easy, the guy fancies himself as a Biker, with the cutesy little thug uniform and all that hoopla, but his bad-ass reputation was entirely bought and paid for, years ago, by somebody else who's walkin' around with a couple of teeth missing. As an avid rider, I can tell you the guy just doesn't exist in my world. I tell people outside our realm that he really isn't one of "us." He's just another porous ego-sponge who's momma didn't pet him enough as a child. How unfortunate…for us.

To maintain my ideological consistency on relevant real-world issues, I apply a few simplistic analogies to matters that might cause moral conflict within my psyche. On immigration, I apply the "Not in My House Analogy." On religion (and riding IS my religion) I apply the "Not in My Church Analogy." On issues regarding Club L.A.M.E., (Look At Me Everybody) the preening peacocks who go around revvin' their pipes and spoiling things for the rest of us, the Chrome-O-Sexuals™ who salivated at seeing one of us at a stop light and traipsed right down to the Stealership™ to BUY that attitude and freedom lifestyle for themselves without any regard for the social responsibility of tithing to our church, for them, I created the "Tennis Analogy."

The Tennis Analogy, applied to those who perpetuate the myth of being cool without sacrifice, let's say, builders, goes like this; You make fancy tennis racquets but you don't really like to play tennis. You're an artisan with fiberglass and strings, but you've never given support to the tennis community. You don't join the various tennis organizations and you don't even know who it is that keeps the tennis courts lit up at night. When volunteers from the tennis organizations stop by your shop because they need help, you say, "WHO are you? And what can you do for ME?" (True, he did)

You aren't there on the state capitol steps with the rest of us at any protest rally for "Tennis Rights" and you certainly aren't there for "Tennis Awareness Month" which is now recognized by the legislature because of US. No, you get an exemption because you're somebody special. Well, you might fool a bunch of mindless couch potatoes with chrome grip tape and titanium doo-dads, but your tennis racquets have no soul if they aren't played with. Who needs a useless tennis racquet in their garage? The REAL tennis players have REAL life tennis stories to tell about their racquets, matches won and lost. The time they got a haircut with Jimmy Connor or bought a drink for Arthur Ashe. Picking up balls for Martina Navratilova.

You never gave a dime to the Tennis Voter Guide, you don't even vote. You want the prestige of being the go-to-guy in the tennis world and you certainly dress the part. You wear the fancy little tennis bracelet, you sport the sexy white tennis shorts and you mug it up for the camera. That racquet in your hand brings fame and fortune. You wear the same goofy little sweat band that Agassi wears, but when it comes to brass tacks, you're only doing it to pillage what ya can out of the tennis community before you get bored and move on. You NEVER give back, it's just take, take, take. Count the money and let somebody else bleed for the right to swing a racquet around. You just make the tennis racquets and you paint 'em up pretty, it's not your job. Uh huh, right.

If I'm gonna play tennis, I'm gonna play with someone who actually enjoys the sport and understands what it is to preserve tennis for future generations, by doing good deeds and hard work. One of the more popular shirts to come out of Wimbledon said, "_ _ _ _ _ Who?" I live my life by that creedo and the other shirt I own that says, "Fifteen grand and 15 matches doesn't make you a tennis player." The back of that shirt sez: "If you see my racquet on a trailer, call 911, it's being stolen!"

Don't play coy, conveniently forget to get involved, make a Ka-Zillion dollars by breaking all the rules and then have the audacity to ask US why WE didn't do enough to protect you. Ka-Zillionaire that he is, he STILL can't find the chump change in the petty cash drawer to join an MRO. (Motorcyclist Rights Organization) SAME as those other bozos on the east coast, and they're Ka-Jillionaires. If they won't support us, why on earth should we support them? We're VOLUNTEERS, willing to sacrifice our left nut for the sport while their leech-like conceit exists only to take FROM the sport.

So, be honest. How many of you have a fancy tennis racquet with a slick paint job in your garage? Now, how many of you actually PLAY tennis with that racquet? And here's the grand slam; How many of you drive around with a tacky tennis sticker on the rear window of your pick-up truck because it makes you look cool?

~splatt